Shorter sentences are almost always easier to understand. Do not use abbreviations and remember that the name of a subject should not be capitalised.
It’s easy to become overly sophisticated with your language but I’d say that if your family member doesn’t understand what you’re trying to convey, it’s probably too confusing. Also, avoid clichés such as ‘From the moment I was born I have always wanted to be a doctor’.
It’s easy for your personal statement to become like a list but always come back to the question ‘what do you think?’. Try and contribute to the conversation. Also, it is okay to mention controversial characters or views but you should always portray that you are open to new ideas.
If you're applying to a science-based course, send your personal statement draft to thescienceboxenquiries@gmail.com with the course you're applying to and we'll give you feedback and suggestions - completely free of charge! We've put some examples below of our previous work.